How a Man Hears Language
On the other hand, a woman needs to realize that when she talks to a man, he hears it only as information. He runs on information because he’s a logical thinker. When she wants to talk to a man, she has to learn to tell him what she thinks, not what she feels. Sometimes a woman will become upset at something that a man has done and will start crying. Again, a woman
needs to release her emotions, and she often expresses them through her tears. However, the man says, “I’m going to leave. I’ll come back when you’ve settled down and we can talk.” To a woman, he’s being cold. What he’s really saying is, “I’m looking for information, and I’m not receiving any. There is no reason for me to be here.” So, he goes away for a while, and then comes back and asks, “Are you ready to talk now?” He doesn’t understand that the woman has been trying to communicate something to him through her emotions. He thinks it’s information; she feels it’s personal.
Because his response is related to his design, a woman needs to work with the equipment the way it’s made. She can sit down and say, “Honey, I have something to say to you. I did not appreciate-and it really made me feel less valued by you-when you did not open the door for me tonight in front of our friends. I know you didn’t do it intentionally, but it is important for others to know that you respect me. I love you very much, and I want to be as dignified as possible to make you proud.”
A man wants a woman’s information; he doesn’t want her tears because he doesn’t know how to respond to them. This is a serious point of difference and conflict between women and men. The woman cries, but the man cannot “feel” her tears. He feels sorry that she is crying, but he wants to know what he can do to fix things. He wants information.
The Woman Always Remembers
A final aspect of the differences between the communication styles of women and men is that women don’t usually forget things, while men generally have to be reminded over and over.
Most men don’t know the reason why women remember things, and most women can’t understand why men don’t recall things. It has to do with their purpose and design. Men tend to think about goals and the bottom line, while women tend to remember details. These differences are complementary. However, they can be the source of serious problems in a relationship because, when you don’t understand the purpose of something, you can become suspicious of it. You can begin to suspect the person you’re dealing with of having ulterior motives.
TO BE CONTINUED . . .