What the Woman Says Expresses How She Feels
What a woman says is an expression of what she feels, while what a man says is an expression of what he thinks. The woman has thoughts, and the man has feelings. However, a woman will more likely express what she feels, and a man will more likely express what he thinks. They are communicating two completely different levels of information. Once we understand this concept and apply while communicating with each other , positive changes in relationship starts .
The Woman’s Hidden Thoughts
When a woman is under stress and wants someone to empathize with her so that she doesn’t feel so alone in her difficulty, she may say something to her husband like, “Your parents are coming for dinner tomorrow, the house is a mess, we don’t have any groceries, the kids have been underfoot all day, and I just can’t do it all!” Her husband, who is a thinker, will immediately try to come up with a solution for his distraught wife. “Well, what if I go buy some groceries?” “No, I have to do that tomorrow when I know what I want to cook.” “Then why don’t I take you and the kids out to dinner so you won’t have to worry about that tonight?” “No, we can’t be out late. The kids need baths and besides, I have to use up the leftovers.” “Well, then, let me
straighten things up a little.” “No, I need to do that. I know where everything belongs.”
By now, the man is totally exasperated because he is trying to help his wife, but she is rejecting all of his suggestions. He doesn’t realize that what the woman really wants is for him to take her in his arms and tell her how much she is appreciated. While she would also probably appreciate his help, she first needs emotional contact with him so that she can be emotionally stabilized. Then she will be able tackle the other problems, and they won’t
seem as insurmountable. What she was thinking was that she could handle things if she received some love and affection from her husband. What she expressed was her overwhelming feelings of overload and fatigue, which her husband interpreted as a need for him to solve her problems by taking action.
A woman doesn’t always tell a man what she is thinking. When she starts to become emotional, he needs to be patient and try to work through her emotions to find out what she is thinking. Sometimes, he has to dig deep to find out what is actually on her mind, because what a woman is thinking is often different from what she is saying.
It can be difficult for women to understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. Yet it is very important for a woman not to come to any conclusions about a man’s motivations until she discovers what he is feeling. There are many men who are feeling emotions that they have difficulty verbalizing. They are hurting; they feel sad and weak inside. They feel like losers. They are depressed that they haven’t been promoted for ten years and that nothing is working out with their jobs. They feel as if they have failed their wives. They feel bad, but it is hard for them to come up with the words to express their feelings. A woman needs to learn to create an environment that will enable a man to tell her what he is feeling. When she works through his thinking, she will find out what he is feeling, and she will discover that what he is feeling is often very different from what he has been saying.
TO BE CONTINUED …