Many people approach marriage in the same way they buy a car.
This misunderstanding and discord between women and men may be
illustrated by the way many people approach marriage today. Most people are
unprepared for the marriage relationship. They approach it in the same way
that they buy a car. When you want to buy a new car, how do you go about
it? You go to various car dealerships, compare the models and features, make
your selection, sign the papers, and then drive your new car home. The mere
act of getting married is like purchasing that new car; both are relatively
simple to do. You look at the choices, find somebody you like, go to a
minister or pastor of the peace for the ceremony, receive your marriage
certificate, and then go home with your new spouse.
At first, everything seems effortless. Buying a new car, driving it home,
parking it in the garage, and admiring it in its mint condition isn’t any
problem. Driving with the full tank of petrol that the car dealer gave you
isn’t any problem. Similarly, it’s easy to marry a spouse, step over the
threshold, and enjoy the honeymoon. Cruising on lovely honeymoon trips,
feelings are fine for a while.
However, buying a car is one thing; operating and maintaining it is
something else. Likewise, getting married is one thing, while maintaining and
growing in the relationship is another.
A car is meant to be a benefit to you, to help meet your transportation
needs. However, you must understand the needs of the car, because there will
come a time when that petrol tank will need to be refilled. There will come a
time when the car will need an oil change. There will come a time when
repairs will need to be made. If you don’t know the needs of a car, you will
say, “What’s wrong with this crazy car? Come on, car, you’ve been running
for the last month. What is wrong with you?” All the time you are swearing at
the car, the car is sitting there wanting to serve you. Yet it can’t, because you
don’t know its needs and aren’t attending to them.
Suppose you then say to yourself, “Well, when I get thirsty, I drink water,
so the car must need water. I’m going to fill the gas tank with water.” You try
to attend to the needs of the car based on your own needs. Now you’re in
trouble, because the water you put in the gas tank has gone through the car’s
system and damaged it. Now your car won’t run at all. So you say to your car,
“When I drink water, I’m revived. What is wrong with you?” Your needs are
not the same as your car’s needs, and your car’s needs are not the same as
your needs. When you want a car or anything else to function, don’t give it
what you need. Find out what it needs, and then give it what it needs; then it
will work for you.
What has been happening in relationships between males and females is
that we have, in a sense, been putting water in the petrol tank. We’ve been
trying to function without understanding or addressing the other’s individual
needs. We have been trying to operate based only on what we need. That’s
why many relationships are at a standstill. That’s why there has been so much
misunderstanding and conflict between men and women throughout history.
Of course, understanding the design of a woman (and a man) is also
extremely important for a marriage relationship. When we learn what it truly
means to be female and male, we can effectively enter into relationships with
others, including the marriage relationship.
A woman is gifted with many creative abilities that can assist her loved
ones, herself, and the world. She is an entire research and development
department all in one. She sees possibilities and potential. She develops ideas
and programs. She conceives and invents.
Your wife is an inherent incubator—she multiplies everything she
receives. Give her a smile, and she’ll give you her heart. Give her sperm, and
she’ll give you a baby. Give her a house, and she’ll give you a home.Give her
Husbands, pay attention: If you take a little idea and drop it into your
wife’s mind, you’ll never get just an idea back—you’ll get a detailed plan!
Wives, your ability to think, incubate, and come up with plans is supposed
to help your husband, but what are you using those abilities for? If you’re
trying to prove to him that you’re just as good as he is, then you’re not his
helper; you’re his competitor.
Some men have been told negative things about themselves all their lives,
and they just need an encouraging word from their wives. A wife can be a
powerful force for good in her husband’s life.
INSPIRED FROM : KEYS FOR SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE – DR. MYLES MUNROE