One day, if someone gets up on the right side of the bed and calls me and says, “You are the greatest person on earth. You are doing a great job and i want you to know I am honoured to call you a friend, ” I know he is sincere. How does it make me feel? Great. But the next day, he gets up on the wrong side of the bed, picks up the phone and says, “You rascal, you cheat, you crook! You are the biggest fraud in town. ” How does it make me feel? Terrible.
So the first day when he says “you are the greatest guy,” I feel great and the next day when he says” you cheat,” i feel terrible. Who is controlling my life?Obviously, he is. Is that the way I want to go through life? Not at all. That is being externally driven.
I want to be internally driven. When he calls me and says I am the greatest guy, it is good to hear those words. But even if he doesn’t say those words, in my own estimation, I am still a good human being. And the next day when he rips me apart, while his words may initially sting, he can’t bring me down, because in my own estimation, I am having the same mindset like the previous day. When a person makes statements like, “You make me angry,” the focus of control is external. But if he says, “I am angry” or “I choose to be angry”, the focus is internal.
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission – Eleanor Roosevelt
So long as we blame outside sources, our miseries will continue and we will feel helpless. Unless we accept responsibility for our feelings and behaviour, we cannot change. The first step is to ask:
- Why did i get upset?
- Why am i angry ?
- Why am i depressed?
Then we start getting clues to overcome them. Happiness is a result of positive self-esteem. If you ask people what makes them happy, you will get all kinds of answers. Most of them would include material things but that is not really true. Happiness comes from being and not having. One can have everything in life and yet not be happy. The reverse is also true.
Happiness is internal. Happiness is like a butterfly. If you run after it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, it comes and sits on your shoulder.
“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” ―Vivian Greene